XII: A Tribune Serial

Written and illustrated by Caty Childress

Installment III

Keep running. Keep running. Keep running. Keep–

—

“Oh, I don’t… I don’t even know where I’d begin with that,” Davey, whose face was still damp with tears, was refusing eye contact, looking instead up toward the ceiling. There were cobwebs floating distantly above, but who was really to say if they were new additions to the decor? Perhaps those same webs had hung overhead when she worked here.

Steven leaned in toward him; if not for the open flame separating them, he would have reached a hand out onto Davey’s shoulder, “It’s alright if you don’t wanna share, but… you’re safe to. Only if ya want. Marie ‘n me won’t judge, will we, kid?”

“No, no… never.” With that, she shook her head.

Davey’s hand had returned to the chain around his neck, the one with the ring. Come on, that’s not fair. You said you were game to talk.

“No, I said I would. I wouldn’t be keeping to my word to keep to myself. It’s just… god, she was my everything. My whole world was centered around her and– and I don’t know where to start explaining.”

“How ‘bout you start with her name.” Steven’s eyes were soft, shining a reflection of the firelight.

“Yeah… yeah,” Davey nodded to himself, you’ve got this, I believe in you, “Thalia. Her name was Thalia, and she was my wife.”

“Attaboy! That’s a good start,” Steven smiled while Marie looked on, “How’d ya meet?”

“Oh, well, I– we were both athletes in college. I sprinted for the track team, and she… she could’ve been the best distance runner that school ever saw, but they never gave her a proper shot to show it. Anyway, we met out on the field one day. ‘T wasn’t just for the official athletes, after all.

“I was out stretching, and she came over my way, shook my hand, and challenged me to a race. Back then, I thought I was on top of the world, practically owned the whole place; so, obviously I said yes.”

“And?” Marie piped up at his pause.

“And obviously she smoked me. God, I should’ve known it wasn’t gonna go my way when she waltzed on over sayin’ she thought she could annihilate me running five laps around the track. Sure, I’m a great runner, but back then, I never trained for endurance,” he huffed out a laugh, “Worst part was when she ran back and cheered me on after crushing me. A real shame that girl never got to show off in a real meet.” The hand that had been fiddling with the ring squeezed it and dropped. His eyes glazed over, staring off into the darkness.

“And then what? Didja ask ‘er to marry ya on the spot?” Davey came back to the room, “What happened next, son?”

“Well… hmm… I guess we got to talking, and then, one thing led to another and we were officially engaged.”

“So… who asked who?”
“She did. Beat me to the punch on that one too. It was right after I found out I snagged my dream job…” he smiled in on himself, “which was actually this cybersecurity gig with a now defunct sect of the government dedicated to tech usage in classrooms. I was… I developed software that should’ve been used for research purposes, for students… I– I sometimes wonder if my work has been manipulated for harm. I suppose I’ll never get to know the full impact of my work.

“Umm, regardless… she proposed to me on the spot, right there on the grimy kitchen floor in our tiny apartment, no ring or anything. She didn’t need one. I would’ve said yes if she had asked out on that field when I finally got to the finish line she had met minutes before me.”

“Sounds like she was a good woman.” Steven shifted to accommodate Marie’s head, leaning on his shoulder. She was awfully young to stay up this late talking, even given the circumstance.

What I would have given for the ability to have a daughter like that. Her voice ran through his head again.

“She really was everything I could’ve ever dreamed for. Always said she wanted a family once she had her career worked out. If it wasn’t for…” Davey tilted his head to acknowledge the state of the world around them, “she would’ve been a lawyer. In fact, she worked as a paralegal in this office during law school.”

“Gee, that’s funny. Think any ‘f our kindling was her work?”

“Almost certainly.” Davey took in a deep breath as he stared into the flames, a recognition that he was letting loose a past he could never return to. If he had his way, she would be with him in the mornings for coffee, and they would cook dinner together each night.

It’s a real shame that’s not how things shook out for us. I always loved starting our days with coffee together, even if you used way too much creamer in for any normal person. That’s not what we got, though, he thought to her, instead of burning hamburgers, I’m sitting here burning your hard work.

“I– hmm…” 

Steven tilted his head, “What’s up?”

“You said that you— that you had to,” his voice shook, “I’m so sorry.”

“Nothin’ t’ be sorry for. Take all the time ya need.”

Once again clutching the ring on the chain, he started again, each word delicate on his tongue, “You said that you had to… hold the bodies of loved ones… as they, as they died, w-with no way to help but t-t-to…” a hiccup, “to help them die easy…” a beat of silence as Steven shut his eyes and nodded, “How can you ever be okay after that? Like really fully okay, not just… just fake okay.”

“Lord, son,” he rubbed his face with both hands, then took out a handkerchief and blew his nose, “I take it there's a reason your wife’s not sittin’ here with us that isn’t just a messy divorce?”

Davey smiled and nodded, tears rolling over pursed lips.

“Like I said, I think it’s on the survivors t’ live for the dead. Think ‘bout what she’d want for ya. I doubt little miss challenging track stars,” Davey huffed another laugh and glanced to the side, “would tell ya to jus’ give up ‘n let the dirt take ya.”

He’s right. You know I wouldn’t. I didn’t marry a quitter.

“Maybe you’ve gotta keep on truckin’ in spite of her death. Be mad. She died too young, so channel that anger, son. Let it keep you movin’ when you feel ya can’t. Don’t let the despair win. You deserve better. Her legacy deserves better. Make her death mean somethin’.”

Full body wracking sobs had overtaken Davey as Steven spoke. For the first time since her death, he let his guard down. He let himself the wave out.

When the tears died down, and he caught his breath, he looked up at Steven and smiled, “Thank you. Thank you for letting me make a scene.”

“Kid, y’ can’t run on empty forever. Sometimes you just gotta let it all out.”

The fire crackled as they lulled into a comfortable silence. Marie, who had drifted off into sleep, was propped up with her head in Steven’s lap. His fingers traced circles into the scalp of her braided hair.

Davey was the one to break the silence, “You wanna know what the last thing she said to me was?”

“What was it, son?”

“As I held her tight in my arms, she smiled and whispered—”

Keep running.

__

Edited by Mara Bech